I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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