It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
