hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize