I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize