It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
