Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
