I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
