I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
