i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
