I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
