What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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