i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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