i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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