Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
