i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
