he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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