the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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