Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
