At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
