I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize