WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
