4 words: hood of his car
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
