i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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