I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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