I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
