I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
