She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize