go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize