Me too!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
