if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
