defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
