i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize