I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
