Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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