So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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