My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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