The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
