Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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