Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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