love makes seman taste better
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
