I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Found the puke drawer
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
