I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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