My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
