Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize