The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize