I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
