Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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