Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
