so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the condom got lost in my hair
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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