so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
