i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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