I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You were trust falling into bushes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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