your room smells of hookers.
And success
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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