Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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