Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
