dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Couch. On fire.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
