im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
