it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
you never un-have a 4some
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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