you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize