I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
