I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
