am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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