Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
