What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize