Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i permit you to call me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize