im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
