drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize