Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
