Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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