My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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