then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
