I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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