honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
