just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
