When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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