party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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