I will die if light touches me.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
