did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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