someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
