Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize