Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
