I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's always time for handjobs
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
