omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
