it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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