I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
