He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
