idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
