Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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