Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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