If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
