but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
