Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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