Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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