i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
