I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
