gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
