I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
