Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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