oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
