I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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