you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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