ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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