She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
