you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
