So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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