I need to stop coming to work sober
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
