At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
