Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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