Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
